Double Life

So my mind is basically in shambles right now because I feel like there's this double life I'm living. Like on one hand, I really have a ton of friends and I love it and we all give each other hugs and life is grand. Then there's the other side which just really wants to be alone, doesn't really feel like I have many friends and it's sadly depressing.

I'll give an example. There's this guy, and he gives me hugs and will put his hand on my shoulder while we talk, etc. That's just the way he is, and I love it. There's one side of me that really wants it and loves the hugs and the small things and I just wish he'd hold me in his hugs forever, but then there's the other part of me that's yelling at him (inside my head of course) to back off and just push him away because I'm afraid of being friends with a guy. I don't know how I can want both at the same time. 

Is this normal? Or is this just me being ridiculous and having no idea who I am?