Sunday, November 11, 2007

Racial Diversity

I don't know what to write about racial diversity because the only diversity I really deal with is not all that evident to me. I don't treat anyone different because of the color of their skin. To me, we're all just people. I don't like it though, when I'll treat someone the same as I would any person and they take it to be offensive. It's like they're saying they want to be treated equally but really they want to be treated sensitively, which I believe is not the same. If I can say one thing to a white person and the same thing to a black person and the same thing to an asian person, I don't believe it should be taken differently, but they will all respond differently because of their backgrounds and experience, they shouldn't respond differently simply because of their race. I believe that each person should be treated the same as the next, as carefully and individually as you would treat any person, not based on their race. That may not make any sense, but that's what I think.

Global Vision Week

I didn't go to Beginnings this week, but I do know a lot about the global missions. This summer I was able to go to China on a three week mission trip with my church. It was the craziest most unusual missions trip I've been on. Most of the trips I've been on were about the people there, and how we would work for them and build them a church or a house or an outhouse, etc. But on my trip to China, we were there to make relationships. We ate with people, played basketball with them, talked with them in English to improve their English skills. We introduced them to our friend, who is a missionary there, and we opened a doorway for him to work through after we were gone. We were there simply to encourage the new believers and to keep their hopes up in Christ, give them a reason to keep going. Many Christians we met, had lost hope and wanted to give up because no one else they knew was a Christian, but we restored their hope in Christ, and isn't that what we are supposed to do as a body of Christ, encourage each other? So even though it wasn't the way I had expected the trip to go, or as other trips had gone, it was still God working through us to encourage our brothers and sisters around the world. =)

The Holocaust- Genocide

So I've heard many times about the holocaust and genocide, and have been to the museum of tolerance in both LA and in Germany. They are very impacting and very influential, but they never really sink in, even with hearing a person's own story. I've debated the issue in Model United Nations and have written resolutions on how to stop the issue, but it all just became an assignment rather than a passion or an interest to change. I know that this is ignorant and really not the way it should be, however, living in our skeptical generation has made me this way. Sadly the one thing that has impacted me the most, is an art piece that I went to in the holocaust museum in Germany. The entire museum was confusing and as soon as you went in you were disoriented with really, no sense of where you were. That frustrated me, so I didn't much enjoy the rest of the museum but then my friends took me to this one art piece that silenced me completely. It was the most impactful thing I've seen, and maybe that's just because I am more impacted by art than anything else. But it was this large Vshaped room. Completely white with high ceilings at the entrance and low ceilings at the back. It was well lit at the entrance and completely dark at the point of the V. In the side was this pool of metal that you were supposed to walk on, like it was the floor. Each metal piece was formed into a frowning face, and while you walked on them, they would clank together and echo in the rest of the room. It made me speechless because it was like all the people's screams just being trampled, millions and millions of screams just resonating, and nothing being done about it. I pray, but it is still not a passion of mine to change it. I do not agree with genocide, obviously the mass murdering of millions of people is not okay, but I feel that right now all I am called to do with it is pray, remember and pass on.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


As many of you know, I have dealt very much so with all of these issues. I know that I still continue to struggle with all of it daily, especially with body image, and my control issue with food. I am so excited though because God is pulling me through. Because of so many people encouraging me to eat, or just asking me to eat with them, I'm finally back up to being able to finish an entire meal. That is only by God's power because I haven't finished a meal in who knows how long. =) Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me in that. As far as the rest of the issues go, many of you know my struggles, and I'm working through them. All of the stories I've heard, whether in beginnings or just in our group, have encouraged me that I am not alone and that I can still get through it. I can battle this addiction. It's been hard, no doubt, but I am getting through it. I've been cleaning from one thing for two months and clean from the other part for one. It's exciting guys! I can't wait to see where God takes this. He's even been giving me three or four different friendships that have allowed me to see truly how I am to be treated as a child of His, and what a healthy friendship with a guy actually looks like. Thank you so much to those guys too!!! You guys are seriously amazing and helping me restore my life to the way God wants it. This is an excting, but painful process, and I hope that as I go through it, that you will all support me and be there with a helping hand, as I know I want to be for those that are still stuck in it. =) God is good. plain and simple.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


I don't know where to begin with alcohol, but I do not have too much of an issue in this subject. God has blessed me with not having the temptation to drink. Believe me I realize how lucky I am to have no desire to. I'm not saying that I may never fall in to it, I am aware of the danger it holds. But at the same time, I'm VERY aware of the danger it has because even if you're not involved with it at all, even if you're not around it or anything, it still affects your life. That's where I struggle. I let people's comments about the fact that I don't party and the fact that I don't drink get to my head about other parts of me. Everyone tells me I'm such the little perfect Christian girl and if I sin, I'm a disgrace to God. Because of that I try to get into other things and try to prove my worth and my status to others, but I'm sick of that too. I know many people get it and mayn people see it, but I am taking off this perfect mask. My parents don't drink anymore, not because of it maybe being wrong but because they just didn't want to, and I've been raised in that environment. My aunts and uncles and grandparents drink at holidays but its never in excess and I've grown up in this mature environment. It's been really nice to see drinking, but in a good environment where I know how to drink in moderation and how and when it's okay. I'm very blessed in this arena, but I have my own struggles too. Believe me, I'm still human.

Wrap Up

So we're supposed to write about three things want to get done at APU.
I have no idea.
#1 I want to make some sort of difference. I want to change somebody's life. Maybe that's just like wanting peace in the world but I don't know, that's what I would love to do! I think that being a developer and wanting to help people succeed and being an arranger and having empathy I can listen to people and help them figure things out and plan and I don't know, maybe that could happen.

#2 I want to get so much closer to God while I'm here. I don't know how any of my strengths, except maybe belief that would help me in that area because I will stand firm in what I believe and if I get into situations where I am tempted to waiver in that, I know that I can still stand strong because of my belief.

#3 I want to be myself. I know, that sounds obvious, but at the same time its not completely obvious. For too long I've worn the mask around everyone, but now I don't care, I get to be who God wants me to be, who I actually am and I don't have to hide behind anyone or anything. If I don't want to be around someone, there's no one forcing me to be. If I can't be myself around someone, I don't have to be around them at all. I'm not sure how my strengths apply except that they are who I really am and so it allows an outlet to show who I actually am.

That's basically all I can think of. Maybe it's too general but thats all I'm here for.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


My Top Five Strengths:

You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person's perspective. You do not necessarily feel pity for each person's predicament-this would be sympathy, not Empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand. This instinctive ability to understand is powerful. You hear the unvoiced questions. You anticipate the need. Where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and the right tone. You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings-to themselves as well as to others. You help them give voice to their emotional life. For all these reasons other people are drawn to you.

You see the potential in others. Very often, in fact, potential is all you see. In your view no individual is fully formed. On the contrary, each individual is a work in progress, alive with possibilities. And you are drawn toward people for this very reason. When you interact with others, your goal is to help them experience success. You look for ways to challenge them. You devise interesting experiences that can stretch them and help them grow. And all the while you are on the lookout for the signs of growth-a new behavior learned or modified, a slight improvement in a skill, a glimpse of excellence or of "flow" where previously there were only halting steps. For you these small increments-invisible to some-are clear signs of potential being realized. These signs of growth in others are your fuel. They bring you strength and satisfaction. Over time many will seek you out for help and encouragement because on some level they know that your helpfulness is both genuine and fulfilling to you.

If you possess a strong Belief theme, you have certain core values that are enduring. These values vary from one person to another, but ordinarily your Belief theme causes you to be family-oriented, altruistic, even spiritual, and to value responsibility and high ethics-both in yourself and others. These core values affect your behavior in many ways. They give your life meaning and satisfaction; in your view, success is more than money and prestige. They provide you with direction, guiding you through the temptations and distractions of life toward a consistent set of priorities. This consistency is the foundation for all your relationships. Your friends call you dependable. "I know where you stand," they say. Your Belief makes you easy to trust. It also demands that you find work that meshes with your values. Your work must be meaningful; it must matter to you. And guided by your Belief theme it will matter only if it gives you a chance to live out your values.

You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information-words, facts, books, and quotations-or you might collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity. If you read a great deal, it is not necessarily to refine your theories but, rather, to add more information to your archives. If you like to travel, it is because each new location offers novel artifacts and facts. These can be acquired and then stored away. Why are they worth storing? At the time of storing it is often hard to say exactly when or why you might need them, but who knows when they might become useful? With all those possible uses in mind, you really don't feel comfortable throwing anything away. So you keep acquiring and compiling and filing stuff away. It's interesting. It keeps your mind fresh. And perhaps one day some of it will prove valuable.

You are a conductor. When faced with a complex situation involving many factors, you enjoy managing all of the variables, aligning and realigning them until you are sure you have arranged them in the most productive configuration possible. In your mind there is nothing special about what you are doing. You are simply trying to figure out the best way to get things done. But others, lacking this theme, will be in awe of your ability. "How can you keep so many things in your head at once?" they will ask. "How can you stay so flexible, so willing to shelve well-laid plans in favor of some brand-new configuration that has just occurred to you?" But you cannot imagine behaving in any other way. You are a shining example of effective flexibility, whether you are changing travel schedules at the last minute because a better fare has popped up or mulling over just the right combination of people and resources to accomplish a new project. From the mundane to the complex, you are always looking for the perfect configuration. Of course, you are at your best in dynamic situations. Confronted with the unexpected, some complain that plans devised with such care cannot be changed, while others take refuge in the existing rules or procedures. You don't do either. Instead, you jump into the confusion, devising new options, hunting for new paths of least resistance, and figuring out new partnerships-because, after all, there might just be a better way.

I'm definitely an arranger, because I like to make lists and rearrange them multiple times before getting anything done, just to see if I can finish what I need to any earlier.
I also do like to collect things (Input) like stationery and glass/crystal animals, and just a lot of things that actually mean something and stuff that I like. I also love to travel and learn things about other cultures and use that in other aspects of my life.
I stick strong to what I believe. I love God and that's not going to change.
I like to help people and see them smile. I don't like seeing them upset.
And I'm not so sure about the developer one, but I do like to see people get passionate about something and succeed in it.

Anyway, what do you all think?


Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Who Am I?

Just Be Me

I want to write
but I don't know
where to start

I want to sing
but I don't know
what to sing

I want to be
the world's hero
but I don't know
how to jump

I don't know
how to save a life
or how to give one up

I want to be
the best I can be
but where do I start
how can I
just be me?

I don't know who I am, or at least I didn't. I struggle with this issue of who I am in this world. And then I realized that I am not of this world and who am I is not a part of it. I am God's child, his beloved and I belong to Him. My life, my body, my words are his. My emotions, my mindset, my actions, they all belong to him. Without him I do not exist, I do not function.
I knew it, but I forgot that until this year, until this week. I don't know who I'm going to be, or what God even has planned for me in this life. All I know is that who I am today is a child sitting in His arms, relying solely on his strength and his love to get me through this day and the rest of my life, however long that might be.
I am not incompetent, nor am I a fake. I don't dress up and put on a fake smile, even though sometimes I do. Who I am is deeper than that. It's in my eyes, it's in my soul. It's in my writing most of all. It's a sick, twisted lie, a pathetic excuse for a human being. A messed up, screwed up worthless nothing. But that is why God loves me, and that is why God saved me. And in him I am truly free. In him, I am worth something. I am valued, and I am precious in his sight. I may be nothing to this world, but I am everything to him.
That's all I need to be.