Sunday, April 27, 2008


I saw a scene today, of a friend and his brother. It was sad and disheartening, but this is what came of it (even though it really seems to have nothing to do with it...I promise, deep down, it does haha).


put through trials
I shouldn't have to face
stand up to those
who show such disgrace

you should be here
you should be the one
but you've thrown it all on me
when I should be your son

talk to the brothers
make them understand
protect the sisters
from another man

you should be here
you should be the one
but you've thrown it all on me
when I should be your son

take care of mother
don't let her slip
when I return
I'll take the grip

but you aren't here
you aren't the one
you've thrown it all on me
I don't want to be your son.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

My Music

So I was listening to music again and I came across the song, "Behind These Hazel Eyes" by Kelly Clarkson. It really made me laugh. I used to listen to that song when I was down or had just gone through something with a boy, and it would give me this empowering feeling that I was better than that and I could get through anything without [insert name here] in my life. 

I was listening to it again today and simply had to laugh. The whole premise of the song is that she can't be anything without this guy by her side, and she's finally breaking out of that and not letting the guy see her cry. One of the lines "you made me feel alright for once in my life" made me laugh especially because it makes me think that the message we're giving girls is, "your life is so messed up, so go find a guy to make it all better. He's the only thing that can fix it." I'll admit, I've fallen prey to this lie as well, but it simply IS NOT TRUE. And being where I am now with God and knowing that He is the only one who makes life feel alright, and he will not abandon us, makes me feel secure and safe, more than any guy ever could. He wants to see our tears, not because they give him power over us but just so that He can love and comfort us.

The very first verse also gets me when it says "I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong, Your arms around me tight, Everything, it felt so right, Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong, Now I can't breathe, No I can't sleep, I'm barely hanging on" again emphasizes that we can't be anything without a guy. I really hate that. If we can only stand tall and be strong when we're leaning on the arms of a guy, are we really standing tall and strong?? Shouldn't instead, our strength come from God. His strength will last and will not abandon. 

So as I had a fun laugh this morning, I am glad to know that I stand strong because I have God and that He is the only one that will keep me safe and secure, making life feel alright. 

I understand this song is just the hurt and sadness of a break up, and I definitely have been there and thought this song completely was talking about me, but I'm just happy to be where I am, not attached to any guy, just hanging on Christ. =)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Worlds Apart--Jars of Clay

I absolutely love this song. And I thought I'd share the lyrics because they are amazing. The ending additional lyrics I believe is the best part of the song. This song is a representation of my life, basically. enjoy. =)

"Worlds Apart"
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you-take my world apart
To need you-I am on my knees
To love you-take my world apart
To need you-broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart.

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battles between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash my feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take my beauty, take my tears
this sin -soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and blow away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
take my beauty, take my tears
this sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world apart, take my world apart,
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart.

Friday, April 11, 2008

One year ago today...

Oh My God

It's times like these
and days like this
that make me want
to cry out

Oh my God
why aren't you here?
Oh my God
why do I fear?

Oh my God
that's all I know
'cause you're my God
deliverer of hope

for days I cry
and months I see
everywhere in passing
memories of you and me

just let go
just move on
well that might be easy
but only for some

my tears will come
nothing I can do
except remember one day
I'll again see you.

R.I.P. Mrs. Gallo...4/11/07

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I DO know

So my friend the other day published this blog called "I don't know." She talked all about how she didn't know where she was or what she was going to be doing in the next few years, few months, few days. She didn't know who she was going to be with, if she'll get a divorce, what she wanted to do with her life, or whether she would end up liking the life she leads. Most of all she said she didn't know when she would die, how she would die, or where she would be after she died. She said it scared her to death sometimes. I read this and started to wonder about myself, how I don't know, how I question everything everyday, leaving everything simply to possibility. But then I realized, I do know.

I may not know where I'll be in the next few days, months or years, but I know it's where God wants me. I may not know who I'm going to be with, but I know that God is holding someone out there for me, whether it's someone I've met or not. I know what I want to do with my life, but it is also very likely that God will change my plans. I don't know if I'll like the life I lead, but I know that as long as I'm with God and follow Him, He will like it and that's all that matters. I don't know when I'll die or how I'll die, but that's okay because I know that ultimately my life is in God's hands. And as for where I'll end up after I die, that I DO know. I will be with God, in Heaven because His Son has saved me from anything and everything that would send me to Hell. He has paid the price so I don't have to. And maybe life scares the hell out of me sometimes, but I know it's just because I'm not in control, and relinquishing that control to God can be the most difficult thing in the world, but I'm learning to let go. All that matters is that I DO know where I'll be. And I DO know who I'll be with. So dying doesn't scare me so much, but more so just the living. But it's okay because I know that God is in control. And that makes ALL the difference. =)

Sunday, April 6, 2008


So I lied when I told you I didn't care. When I said it really didn't matter, and I knew and was okay with the fact that God has something bigger planned for me in the next year. I lied when I said it didn't matter that I wasn't a part of anything, God would bring me something else.

I know I should just trust God, that's the answer I've been instilled with since birth basically. Trust God because all bad things, all sad things, all the things that hurt, just means I wasn't trusting God enough to let go of it when I should have right? But then I'm putting the blame on myself for trying and if I had that attitude, should I really try anything? 

I wanted Alpha, yes very much so. Yes it sucks that I didn't get it. Yes I know God has something else planned for next year, but that doesn't mean anything. In high school, I wasn't the SUPER involved type, but I liked to be involved with stuff with friends, like homecoming floats, or class stuff. And now, so many of my friends, or basically all of my friends applied for Alpha and got it, but I didn't. And Alpha seems to be this such tight knit group that I feel like because I'm not a part of it with them, they'll just tell me, you don't understand it's an alpha thing, and I'll lose the few friends I have here just because I'm not in alpha. 

I know why I didn't get Alpha, and the issue isn't so much alpha itself, but more or less just not being a part of something. I know no one on campus because I haven't involved myself in anything, and the few things I've tried to be involved in, don't want me. So where am I supposed to go from here?? What do I do? What can I do? Who can I meet?? 

I guess I'm just fed up about hearing all about alpha, but with who my friends are, I know I'm going to be hearing about it for the next...entire year probably. I guess I just have to deal with it and be happy and excited for them. That's one of my strengths anyway right, empathy?? 

And if my friends read this, I am happy for you, I promise. I'm so excited to see how God uses you in the lives of your freshman. I'm just bummed because I have no idea how God is going to use me at all. oh well.