Sunday, June 15, 2008

Here We Go!!

yay!!! I'm leaving for Israel in a few hours! I'm so incredibly excited!! My stomach is turning!

So here's goodbye, if I didn't get a chance to say goodbye!

And I'll take lots of pictures, and show you them ALL later! 

Prayers please!! =)

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Give up?

What exactly does it take to give up? Just in general. Does it take a complete and utter sense of defeat?Does it take an ultimate realization that you should no longer try? That it is no longer in your capability to pursue? 

The dictionary definition states that giving up is to concede or relinquish. To surrender. To abandon hope. Despair. To desist from and denounce. To lose hope of seeing. To admit defeat. To part with. Relinquish possession or control over. Leave voluntarily. To cease to do. To stop. To lose hope for. To abandon what one is doing or planning to do. Lose your right. Give up with the intent of never claiming again. Give up what is not strictly needed. Part with a possession or right. Stop maintaining or insisting on. Stop consuming.

In other languages give up is said as zanechat, vzdat se, holde op, opgive, opgeven, lopettaa, cesser, aufgeben, abbahagy, berhenti, smettere, abbandonare, atmest, pamest, mesti, liautis, gi opp, *avkall pa, zaprzestac, desistir, largar, a abandona, prestat', vzdat' sa, opustiti, dejar de, abandonar, rendirse, sluta, upphora....and more.

But that's all fine and dandy, but what does it mean in my life to really give up everything I have to Him. Give up all of it for Him. 

Or maybe this is for a much less important part of my life, and it is simple my questioning of whether I have fully given it up, or if there's still a small part of me holding on, not surrendering, not losing hope, not admitting defeat. 

We'll see.

Israel in 2 days!!!! =)

Friday, June 6, 2008

What if...

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I was just a year younger, if I was just one year behind in school. There are so many amazing people I have met that are just a year younger than me, or even just a grade behind in school. These are the people I wanted to be around, be with in high school and now even in college.

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE the friends I have, the people I've met along the way, and the lives that have touched mine, but what if.

I guess there's no use in asking what if because well, it doesn't happen, it won't happen, and I can't take back those years. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just wish sometimes that I could have had better friendships with a lot of my friends, or mere acquaintances, if only I had been a year behind in school.

But at the same time, I would not be in the friendships I'm in now with some of the people who love me most, so would I give that up? No. There's just those days when I want to go back and do it all over again. 

Especially right now when I don't really seem to fit in with those I'm around. And those I do fit in with are out being who God wants them to be which unfortunately for me takes them further away. Maybe this is God's hint to cling to Him for strength and friendship, but He's got to know that I need friends here too right? She's in Maui, he and I don't talk, she's in Rancho, he and I are complicated, she's in Covina, she and I have opposite schedules, she and I are drifting, she's in South Carolina, she and I have lost touch, and the rest have dispersed because it's summer. So what now? Where do I stand? I'm in the middle between my grade and theirs, just wanting a close friend to stand by me, to hang out with. But I know it's only because God's up to something.


Thursday, June 5, 2008

Songs, Songs, Songs

Do you ever just have a song that seems to get you through each day? I was listening to my music on shuffle today and came across a song that was that for me about five years ago. It's amazing how wonderful it really is too. Here it is.

Say Won't You Say by Jennifer Knapp

Say won't you say
say that you love me
with love, ever, love, love, everlasting?
All my devotion put into motion by You

Every morning I
have a chance to rise and give my all
but every afternoon I find I have only wasted time
In light of Your awe
Isn't love amazing, I forgot how to speak
knowing You are near and I am finally free

Say won't You say
say that You love me
with love ever, love everlasting?
All devotion put into motion by You

My eyes fear to close
this reckless letting go is hard to bear
on the edge of all I need, still I cling to what I see
and what have I there?
Bred my own disaster, who have I to blame?
When all I need is waiting to be fanned to flame

Say won't You say
say that You love me
with love ever, love everlasting?
All my devotion put into motion by You

I opened up my eyes to see You standing there
Oh I can barely breathe, and I can hardly bear
All the love that I feel for You inside
I hope You feel it now, some, somehow

Say won't You say
say that You love me
with love ever, love everlasting?
All my devotion put into motion by You, by You.


Wednesday, June 4, 2008

happy day

sometimes I think I get caught up on all the bad stuff that is going on in life, the unfortunate things, the inconveniences and the loss of hope and dreams this world sometimes brings. 

But what about those days when your dreams come true? I have to write about those days too, don't I? To only let you read about the sadness and hurt in my life could pretty much depress anyone, so here's to those who have been waiting for a happy post, an exciting post.

Yesterday I received in the mail, the first copy of My Life in a Bookshelf by Shannon Lazear. Yes that's ME!! It's just poetry and short stories, and it's not available to the public yet, there's still some of the process I have to go through, but the fact that I got to hold a book that has my name in print, and what is inside is all of MY writing and no one else's, is pretty much one of my biggest dreams come true. At this point in life, I'm not sure much what else to ask for.

PS I haven't thought about wanting, okay to be honest I can't say wanting, but I'll say...I haven't really longed for, been pining after, or dwelling on the thought of needing or even just wanting a guy in my life at this moment in about two weeks. I have my God. I have my family. I have my friends. And now I even have my writing. What more could I ask for? 

It's a happy day! =)

Sunday, June 1, 2008


sometimes death hits closer than we'd like. To think, a young girl, our age, who we lived and went to school with all year, is just simply in one night, gone? How does that happen? I know life can come and go, and it all can end in an instant, but does it really have to? 

Granted, I didn't know Kate too well, maybe met her once or twice, but still, the reality of it. The deep crazy reality, that though we are young, though we are fearless and strong, although we seem to be a generation who believes we are invincible, simply we are not. We are just as susceptible to death as the rest of the population. We are just as close to the end of our lives as we will ever be. Maybe this is a pessimistic way to look at it, but every day we live, is one day closer to the end.

I'm not saying I won't like the end, but there's just so much I want to do, to accomplish, to see through. I want to have a family, I want to finish school, to teach, to write and be published, but if God sees fit, and has a bigger plan for the world, without me in it, then I say take me.

Maybe that could make this scarier, but maybe instead it makes it more peaceful, knowing she is in the Lord's hands, knowing it is completely in His control, not man's, knowing then when we leave this place, I'll get to rest in His arms forever.

She has a quote on her facebook, which I thought was appropriate, so I thought I'd share it... "I want the promised Kingdom without the present one. But in the meantime, I must learn to dance with a foot in both kingdoms." --S. Arthur.

Kate, now you get to dance in the one Kingdom without this present one, with your Heavenly Father, for eternity. Enjoy your time, until we join you. =) You will most definitely be missed.