Wednesday, October 24, 2007


As many of you know, I have dealt very much so with all of these issues. I know that I still continue to struggle with all of it daily, especially with body image, and my control issue with food. I am so excited though because God is pulling me through. Because of so many people encouraging me to eat, or just asking me to eat with them, I'm finally back up to being able to finish an entire meal. That is only by God's power because I haven't finished a meal in who knows how long. =) Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me in that. As far as the rest of the issues go, many of you know my struggles, and I'm working through them. All of the stories I've heard, whether in beginnings or just in our group, have encouraged me that I am not alone and that I can still get through it. I can battle this addiction. It's been hard, no doubt, but I am getting through it. I've been cleaning from one thing for two months and clean from the other part for one. It's exciting guys! I can't wait to see where God takes this. He's even been giving me three or four different friendships that have allowed me to see truly how I am to be treated as a child of His, and what a healthy friendship with a guy actually looks like. Thank you so much to those guys too!!! You guys are seriously amazing and helping me restore my life to the way God wants it. This is an excting, but painful process, and I hope that as I go through it, that you will all support me and be there with a helping hand, as I know I want to be for those that are still stuck in it. =) God is good. plain and simple.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


I don't know where to begin with alcohol, but I do not have too much of an issue in this subject. God has blessed me with not having the temptation to drink. Believe me I realize how lucky I am to have no desire to. I'm not saying that I may never fall in to it, I am aware of the danger it holds. But at the same time, I'm VERY aware of the danger it has because even if you're not involved with it at all, even if you're not around it or anything, it still affects your life. That's where I struggle. I let people's comments about the fact that I don't party and the fact that I don't drink get to my head about other parts of me. Everyone tells me I'm such the little perfect Christian girl and if I sin, I'm a disgrace to God. Because of that I try to get into other things and try to prove my worth and my status to others, but I'm sick of that too. I know many people get it and mayn people see it, but I am taking off this perfect mask. My parents don't drink anymore, not because of it maybe being wrong but because they just didn't want to, and I've been raised in that environment. My aunts and uncles and grandparents drink at holidays but its never in excess and I've grown up in this mature environment. It's been really nice to see drinking, but in a good environment where I know how to drink in moderation and how and when it's okay. I'm very blessed in this arena, but I have my own struggles too. Believe me, I'm still human.

Wrap Up

So we're supposed to write about three things want to get done at APU.
I have no idea.
#1 I want to make some sort of difference. I want to change somebody's life. Maybe that's just like wanting peace in the world but I don't know, that's what I would love to do! I think that being a developer and wanting to help people succeed and being an arranger and having empathy I can listen to people and help them figure things out and plan and I don't know, maybe that could happen.

#2 I want to get so much closer to God while I'm here. I don't know how any of my strengths, except maybe belief that would help me in that area because I will stand firm in what I believe and if I get into situations where I am tempted to waiver in that, I know that I can still stand strong because of my belief.

#3 I want to be myself. I know, that sounds obvious, but at the same time its not completely obvious. For too long I've worn the mask around everyone, but now I don't care, I get to be who God wants me to be, who I actually am and I don't have to hide behind anyone or anything. If I don't want to be around someone, there's no one forcing me to be. If I can't be myself around someone, I don't have to be around them at all. I'm not sure how my strengths apply except that they are who I really am and so it allows an outlet to show who I actually am.

That's basically all I can think of. Maybe it's too general but thats all I'm here for.