Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Venting is not usually a good idea on the internet, and I will try to make this as indestructible as possible, but I can't make any promises.
So I'm really frustrated with so much that's going on and I just don't know how to keep going on. I mean I will and I know I will get through this season in my life, but I just don't know how the next few days or weeks are going to go.
Let me clarify before people get scared, I'm just really stressed out right now.
I have 11 papers due before december 12th, which is only actually 13 days of school for me. And people don't understand that I just shut down when I think about it all. I just need time to figure out what is going on in my life and what parts of it are important. I'm extremely terrible at time management and in the process of trying to cut the less important stuff out of my life, I tend to cut the VERY important people out. I hate that! I don't mean to in any manner, and then it makes things more stressful because they get sad and I don't like to make people sad. I really don't mean to hurt them in any sort of way and I hate myself for doing so. But then is it actually a good idea to give up school instead? I mean some of the papers and such I can skip or write really fast, but that's too much to read and write in the 24 hours a day I have left. That's only about 500 hours left that I have to write these papers and such. How do I fit papers, reading, end of the semester projects, presentations, and well as God, boyfriend, friends, family, roommates, and well life into 500 hours???

And then there are other things that are on my mind and bothering me. I don't know how to bring it up to the people that are bothering me. And I just don't know how to approach the entire situation. How am I supposed to handle this whole situation. How do I figure this out on my own? I don't even know the process of action to take and I don't know who I can talk to about all of this without hurting these people by talking behind their backs? But at the same time, that is the issue I hold with them, that they talk behind my back...most often when I'm just sitting in the other room, so I hear everything they say. It's so hard, and it hurts and is painful. I wonder if they just smile to my face to confuse me or just to be nice to the friends who introduced us originally. I wonder why they can't just talk to me about what bothers them about me.

I know I should just go to God with all of this, and I have, but I still don't have a practical application as to how approach them.

Then there's my whole financial situation which is less than satisfactory. And that just adds twice as much stress on top of everything.

AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me just say this. If you read this, please pray for me, wisdom, strength, and well everything...thanks.

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