Giving Up Writing

So this may come as a shock to most, or all of you, the whole five of you that may read this, but I've basically decided to give up writing.

Well not ALL writing, just most creative writing. I've realized lately that my writing comes from the emotions within me, and though while my writing may be good, those emotions are not. They hurt, they stun, they take away all joy and happiness I have in the daytime. Sometimes I feel like a vampire, or a werewolf maybe (yes yes this is a twilight reference...), but really. I'm a completely different person during the day than I am at night. During the day, I used to think it was all an act and that with nighttime came who I truly am, but I have now realized that I've had it backwards. During the day, I am the happy, joyous, gracious, affectionate, compassionate person I wish to be, but during the night I become depressed, alone, anxious, worried, needy, among other things. I don't like that person and I hate that I feel the need to stay up late to write because of when my creativity peaks. My creativity peaks when my emotions are extreme. That's at night. 

So if I give up staying up late, staying up for those emotions to sink in, then I also in essence am giving up writing. Now if I can figure out a way to write well without those extreme emotions and late nights, then well God truly has gifted me with a talent well worth using. I know that God has something planned for my writing, and maybe it truly was just to get me through the hardest years of my life. And maybe if I have tough years, or even just tough days, that writing will always be there to help me, but for now...

I'm happy, I'm content. I love where I am. And I love where God's taking me. You'll see the difference in my emotions if you check the times of my posts in my blog; they are all around midnight or later if they are upset, feeling alone, feeling inadequate, etc. But for the happy moments they are usually slightly earlier, etc. 

I know God has something better planned for my life, and if that means giving up poetry and short stories, I'm okay with that. 

This may come as a surprise with my book just being published. With taking a creative writing: poetry class next semester, with being an english major in general, but sometimes life is full of surprises. It surprised me too. I just thought of it while talking to my sister-in-law today.

Some things are better said aloud, talked out with a sister, or left unsaid. Some things are better never written down, better to be stood up for, not hidden behind in a letter. Therefore, I am giving up writing until further notice.