What if...

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I was just a year younger, if I was just one year behind in school. There are so many amazing people I have met that are just a year younger than me, or even just a grade behind in school. These are the people I wanted to be around, be with in high school and now even in college.

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE the friends I have, the people I've met along the way, and the lives that have touched mine, but what if.

I guess there's no use in asking what if because well, it doesn't happen, it won't happen, and I can't take back those years. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just wish sometimes that I could have had better friendships with a lot of my friends, or mere acquaintances, if only I had been a year behind in school.

But at the same time, I would not be in the friendships I'm in now with some of the people who love me most, so would I give that up? No. There's just those days when I want to go back and do it all over again. 

Especially right now when I don't really seem to fit in with those I'm around. And those I do fit in with are out being who God wants them to be which unfortunately for me takes them further away. Maybe this is God's hint to cling to Him for strength and friendship, but He's got to know that I need friends here too right? She's in Maui, he and I don't talk, she's in Rancho, he and I are complicated, she's in Covina, she and I have opposite schedules, she and I are drifting, she's in South Carolina, she and I have lost touch, and the rest have dispersed because it's summer. So what now? Where do I stand? I'm in the middle between my grade and theirs, just wanting a close friend to stand by me, to hang out with. But I know it's only because God's up to something.

=)