change is coming

So I've been inspired by my brother to actually use this blog as a blog instead of just a homework assignment as it began.

There is so much change going on in my life right now. And sometimes I wonder how I'll ever make it through. By either trying to make friends here at school, or realizing I may have to let go of some I've held dear this past year. Making the choice between which is more important, friendship or being right with God in thoughts. Do you ever wonder sometimes why God puts people in our path? Why they seem to be the most frustrating people, but you end up learning the most from them? I sometimes wish I could learn lessons without them, like maybe life would be easier learned through an ongoing movie reel playing all the bad decisions I shouldn't make.

And then, it's not just with friends, but with my own life. So many decisions for the future just rolling over in my head. Do I go ahead and actually take that step of publishing a book? Or am I too scared to take that step because I'm comfortable with life where it is? Or is it just that I'm afraid of the long term impact it will have on my life? But how do you accomplish anything without first taking that leap of faith that it's all going to be alright in the end? How can you be scared of EVERYTHING if you want to accomplish anything?

Then there's God. Everyone tells me my relationship with him is amazing, and that they see it in my every day life. I will give you all this; my relationship with God is genuine. I will not give him up for anything. I was thinking today about what I would do for God because I was listening to a song by Third Day talking about how we've basically sold out, saying that we will do everything for God but we don't end up doing anything. And I was wondering, is it possible to say and truly mean that you will do ANYTHING for God, but not do everything? Or is it the other way around, that you will do EVERYTHING for God, but not necessarily anything? What is the difference between the words Everything and Anything? Everything is all things possible at once. Anything is one thing all the time. 

Anyway, my point to that is that I'm trying to keep up with this whole relationship with God. I'm straying slightly from my goal, from him, and it's turning my whole life upside down. I'm trying to start things over, but I'm not really sure how. So this is me trying to straighten things out with God. Maybe blogging will keep my mind straight and everything else in line and arranged so that I can neatly process all that I'm going through.