Short, Sweet and to the Point

I have the best friends I could ever ask for in the entire world. I hope they know just how much they mean to me. 

That's all. =)

Wishing

I wish sometimes...for a lot of things actually but here's a few...

I wish...

-that I could read a guy's mind to figure out what he's really saying without the false precept of him just trying to be nice. 

-that one of these days, someone would actually ask what's wrong and care about the answer.

-that life wouldn't repeat itself.

-that he could be a true brother, and not just another guy.

-that life would go back to being simple.

-that happiness, not joy (because joy lasts much longer...), would last for more than a couple of weeks at a time.

-that someone would see right through me, so I wouldn't have to keep up this game.

-that everyone would STOP telling me I'll find a guy...I get it, you're not the one for me, someone else is. 

-that every once in a while I could just say what I mean to those who truly want to know.

-that every once in a while I could say the things I'm thinking without the thought of how it will affect the other person (never gonna happen).

-that the words "I love you" meant more in today's society so it wouldn't seem I just throw them around like every day words, but those I love would truly know how much.

-that words would always be held up by actions, not that actions have to be held together by words.

Theme Song

So, I know I've posted a few songs on here, but this one, at least for the moment, is my theme song for my life. I love the way it says things and how it talks about who I am. It's definitely the way I'm living right now, and hey I'll be twenty in 3 months! (you'll understand when you read the lyrics...) Soo here's my theme song! =) 

Free to Be Me by Francesca Battistelli

At twenty years of age,

I'm still looking for a dream

A war's already waged 

for my destiny

But you've already won the battle

and you've got great plans for me

Though I can't always see

Cause I got a couple dents in my fender

got a couple rips in my jeans

try to fit the pieces together

but perfection is my enemy

and on my own I'm so clumsy

but on Your shoulders I can see

I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl

I thought I had it figured out

See my life will turn out right

And I'll make it here somehow

But things don't always come that easy

and sometimes I would doubt

Cause I got a couple dents in my fender

got a couple rips in my jeans

try to fit the pieces together

but perfection is my enemy

And on my own I'm so clumsy

but on Your shoulders I can see

I'm free to be me

And you're free to be you

Sometimes I believe

that I can do anything

Yet other times I think

I've got nothing good to bring

But You look at my heart and tell me

That I've got all You seek

and it's easy to believe even though

I've got a couple dents in my fender

got a couple rips in my jeans

try to fit the pieces together

but perfection is my enemy

and on my own I'm so clumsy

but on Your shoulders I can see

I'm free to be me

And you're free to be you.

Repeat

Have you ever noticed how life just seems to repeat itself? Like obviously not completely the same, not with the same people, but just the same situations.

In 2002, I questioned everything. I had no idea who I was, where I was going, what I wanted in life. Then I found God. In 2003, I was a new Christian, I was on top of the world and one of my best girl friends was dating one of my best guy friends. Life couldn't get better. Then things turned sour, the world started changing. I got a reality check and didn't deal with it well. I made the worst mistake of my entire life, though it's been one of the best experiences of keeping my faith. I then dealt with for the next year or so finding myself and trying to hold on to God. The next two years I got myself into some trouble and tried finding my way back to God. 

Then I had one year away from home, at school, going through the same things as I had in 2002. I questioned everything. I wasn't sure where God was taking me, and what I wanted in life had changed. Then in Summer 2008, I found God again. It's like being a new Christian again, being on top of the world, and my very best girl friend and my best guy friend are...well....close to dating. Life couldn't be any better....and that's where life is at the moment.

So what happens next? Does life again turn sour? Will the world start changing? How will I react? Will I make better choices?? Will I know more fully the grace of God? 

I'm scared for what the next few years hold for me, and for now all I can do is trust God.

That's all.

Wishes

Do you ever find yourself wishing for something different? Wishing the way things were was different? 

But then I wonder, does that really matter? If it were different, if you lived in a "perfect" world that always revolved around you, wouldn't that get boring sometimes? And you may say that your perfect world doesn't always revolve around you, but really? EVERYONE thinks about themselves before others, it's just the way this country works, the way this world works. Sin has taken over. But then I wonder, what IF we lived in a perfect world, where people cared about each other, respected each other. Sometimes I wonder if we'd laugh at all, smile at all, but is our world truly that cruel? That the only way we'd be happy is at someone else's expense?

I tend to try to have faith in humanity, but I've come to realize I can't. The one and only thing that I can put my faith in is Christ and those that live like him. You may see otherwise, and I won't argue, for now. But those that hold true joy, those that can live in happiness, in a small glimpse of that perfect world, are those that call Christ their father, their savior and their master. 

Everyone else is just fakin' it.

That's all.

Response to Nightmare?

If you want to understand this post in the least bit, I suggest you go back and read my post "Nightmare?" from May.

So I told you all that I was giving up that dream of mine, and it was true. I did. And I haven't looked back since. He is the greatest man I've known. He is the standard I will hold guys to, but he is not the one for me. And I finally know that and can say that with a smile on my face. Not a fake one, but one of satisfaction. One of hope. And one of knowing that he has made a difference in my life for the better. I only wish I could have been the same. Unfortunately I doubt that because he knew me at the worst of my times. 

I'm done saying maybe. I'm done wondering. I'm done being in charge of my own future. I've learned to love surprises. I've learned to be amazed. I can't wait to see where God takes my future, who He puts in my path.

I wish all the best to you, dear sir. I know you will succeed in whichever way you choose. I know the girl you end up with will be the luckiest girl alive, but that doesn't change the fact of the matter. I may never see you again sir, though we will be in closer vicinity than we have been for the past year. It's okay. You were put in my life for a reason; you have become a chapter in my life. I'm moved on, and I only wish I will see you someday in life with a smile on your face, as always.

When no one could, you pushed me towards Christ without even knowing it. Thank you for being faithful to the God who's saved us all. To Him be the glory for our lives. 

That's all.

Apology

Well I guess I just wanted to apologize to anyone who may have been offended, hurt or whatever by anything I've said, especially if you figured out who some of the people the posts are about. They were never intended to hurt, offend or alienate anyone. That's all.